About a year ago, I decided to pursue a PhD. It was a decision that intertwined with my move to Spain, but I never really “announced” it to anyone. The big news was that I was moving to Seville. My longtime friends (and some new ones too) know about my deep love for Spain, specifically Seville. Triana, to be even more specific. After all, it’s the Flamenco neighborhood. And that’s what has always been behind everything.
So, those who needed to know were aware that I came to Spain—not necessarily that I was doing a PhD. I know some people who, when they found out, thought, “There goes Lorenna, taking on another big challenge, restless as always, diving into a PhD. But why?” (Honestly, it’s a question I ask myself every day.) But today, I’m here to share a bit about how it all began.
There was a Canada in the middle of the road
As I mentioned before, it’s no surprise that I always wanted to live here. The real surprise was when I went to Canada, which left everyone puzzled (I’ll explain that another day). Everyone knows I also love studying, so I thought, “Well, since I’m in Canada, I might as well do a PhD here and get a degree from a North American university.”
I searched and searched, but nothing matched what I wanted to study. I had long conversations with my friend and academic inspiration, Ale, about what I could study and which paths I could follow. But nothing fit what I was looking for. I couldn’t even formulate a research topic to apply for selection.
Moreover, after five years in Toronto, I wasn’t necessarily seeing that decision as something I’d sustain in the long term. I began to rethink the idea of committing to something so long-term there. In fact, the agreement I made with myself was that, okay, I’d live in Canada and give up Spain forever, but every year I’d take a vacation in Spanish lands.
Then the Pandemic came
And there were no vacations to Spain. The years went by, things started to open up slowly, and only in 2022 did I finally manage to take my supposedly annual trip to study Flamenco. When I arrived in Spain (and I arrived in Madrid, mind you), it felt like everything I used to feel when I was younger came rushing back: all my passion for this land, my desire to explore every part of this country, to talk to people on the street, to dance and listen to Flamenco all the time, and to never leave here again.
But it didn’t stop there, because I hadn’t yet arrived in Seville. That only happened two weeks later, and only for a forced weekend, after many people asked why I wasn’t including this city in my itinerary. “It’s your favorite city in the world! What are you avoiding? How come you’re not going to Seville?” So, I squeezed in a weekend here. And I spent those two or three days crying the whole time (okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but definitely crying inside).
A friend from here, Isa, took me to a Flamenco bar (which I now know better and frequent often), and I just remember repeating, like a broken record: “What am I doing in Canada? But my life is so organized there… Should I drop everything and come here? But life there is so peaceful… But how? With what visa? It’s not possible… But what am I doing in Canada?” And she replied, “If you have 1% of doubt, just come. If you were sure your life was in Canada, I wouldn’t say anything. But if you have doubts, it’s because you need to come.” I don’t know if she knows or remembers this conversation, but I’ve never forgotten those words.
Lorenna, you haven’t mentioned that PhD yet…
So, when I got back to Canada, I started activating every possible plan to get a visa for Spain. I gave myself a one-year deadline. It was September 11, 2022, and I promised myself that in a year, I’d be living in Spain (I missed my promise by a month, but here I am). I began to study all the possibilities. ALL of them. Portuguese citizenship? Impossible, it would take too long. Digital nomad visa wasn’t an option yet, and I wasn’t a nomad. Investor… well, that option was discarded.
So, the options narrowed down to student visas, which, just thinking about, gave me panic. I had tried many times (many, many times) and never succeeded. The fear of failing again was huge. But it was the only option. And then, suddenly, it seemed like all the pieces magically fell into place, and what was obvious became clear as day.
I was not only going to solve my PhD topic but do it in Seville! Of course! I already wanted to do a PhD, but I couldn’t formulate my topic, find my research line, or find a university in Canada that had the fields of study I wanted. Because that university was in Seville! And I was going to do my research about Flamenco, OF COURSE!
The preparation
Once that phase passed, it was time to study the research lines that made sense and read 500 articles from professors to find one that matched me. I found few in Marketing and many in Economics. Through Isa (the same friend from the Flamenco bar), I got in touch with a professor at the University, who connected me with the professor who would become my thesis director (or “advisor,” as we say in Brazil). Meanwhile, I was already designing my project with the help of (always her) Ale, and this professor from the University of Seville, who would become my co-advisor.
I did everything in record time to enroll in the second call in February. I remember it was almost Christmas, and I was heading to Brazil to spend the holidays with my family. The deadline was so tight that I spent the entire flight working on the project, reading and writing non-stop. It was the first flight to Brazil where I stayed awake the whole time (and it wasn’t because I have trouble sleeping on planes because that’s never been an issue for me 😴).
The pains and delights of being a PhD student in Spain
So far, only pains in the PhD. The delights, I attribute 100% to Seville.
I skipped a big part of the story; otherwise, this text would turn into a book. I could spend hours here explaining the process of getting accepted into the PhD program, working on all the documentation for the visa, planning my move, etc. But the text would get too long, and I don’t think that’s the point. I’ll just say that everything was done with A LOT of emotion, racing against time, and with many silent celebrations at each stage completed.
However, not everything is roses. And in the PhD, there are definitely almost no roses. Studying in Spain is quite different from what I had imagined or expected. I had expectations similar to my master’s degree at PUC, where I made lifelong friends and maintained very healthy, even long-term relationships with the professors there.
An almost individual journey
Here in Spain (or at least in my program), we don’t have in-person or group classes. They are isolated and non-mandatory seminars that count towards a minimum number of hours for approval. As a result, it’s very difficult to meet other PhD students to share experiences, tips, and agonies. The journey is very individual: between the student-researcher and the thesis director.
The motivation, as much as I seek it in my topic, which I’m passionate about, often gets lost amid obligations and other more important responsibilities. In my case, as I’ve explained in other texts, I’m not—and don’t want to be—100% a PhD student. I love my Marketing profession and can’t see myself away from it for long. My academic career will always have to share space with my passion for Marketing and Communication. I hope, one day, to find a way to unite the two, but I will never stop being someone who gets hands-on with Marketing.
A Commitment to Myself
I included this category in my Marketing blog more as a commitment to myself than with the goal of sharing my PhD journey with an audience that, almost certainly, wouldn’t be interested. The agreement is with myself. My goal here will be to share weekly or biweekly progress on my project. Almost like a report.
Many times I feel stuck in my journey, and I don’t have much to turn to for motivation. I believe that if I have the commitment to come here and share, even just a little, about what I’ve progressed, discovered, and learned, maybe I can find among my friends the encouragement and support I need to keep going.
Writing relaxes me, motivates me, and helps me clarify my ideas. When I talk about something I’ve done, it gives me the energy to push even harder. So the idea here will be to seek that support network (and, why not, a space to vent?) that I haven’t found at the university. At least not yet.
So, what do you say? Will you join me on the ups and downs of this crazy rollercoaster?